December 2008
Neighbour stabbed over glued door →
Charged with assault, he’s not sure how he’ll get out of this jamb; claims he’s being framed.
[Link Courtesy of Ross H.]
Man tries to stab woman with utensils →
She says she told him ‘no’, didn’t want to fork, only to spoon.
Man charged in cell phone beating →
Woman was badly hurt, but he did Nokia her.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-12-21) →
Boards of Canada (153)
Mogwai (41)
Biffy Clyro (37)
The Rocket Summer (33)
Great Big Sea (28)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
CIA trades Viagra for information in Afghanistan →
Warlords were not hard to please, wood trade again.
Liquor sales remain strong in weak economy →
There’s no point in wining about it now.
Man shoots talker during Christmas screening of... →
Prosecutors will be seeking a reverse life prison sentence. [Tagline courtesy of tristanjay7]
The Future's So Bright...
tristanjay7: i am going to make a motion
tristanjay7: official communication protocol
tristanjay7: since we're so cool, all smile emoticons should be B-)
tristanjay7: unless it's :-D
nlo ralph: hah
nlo ralph: let it be done
tristanjay7: B-)
tristanjay7: our future is so bright we gotta wear shade D-)
tristanjay7: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
nlo ralph: ugh
nlo ralph: CYCLOPS
nlo ralph: CYCLOPS IN SHADES
nlo ralph: RUN
tristanjay7: hahahaa
nlo ralph: RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN
tristanjay7: hahah
Last.fm Eclectic Test: How Eclectic is your Music... →
johnbrissenden:
butterflyeffect:
bmichael:
I scored a 650.
768 for me. Apparently that gives me bragging rights.
Ooooooh! 765
*Ahem* 770.
Angry wife jailed after biting husband's penis →
She claims he was biting as well, they were engaging in mutual mastication.
German artist paints with own ejaculate →
Prominent gallery to feature his seminal works.
Priest tells kids there's no such person as Santa →
Prays to God for further guidance.
Woman buried in snow for 3 days found alive →
Disappearance caused flurry of search activity, finding her alive hailed as miracle.
Airport Security Strip-Search Clown →
Checkpoint staff claim he was acting funny.
Man Pays $21K Property Taxes in Coins →
Claims that he’s established a new paradime for tax submissions.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-12-21) →
Boards of Canada (153)
Mogwai (41)
Biffy Clyro (37)
The Rocket Summer (33)
Great Big Sea (28)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Arkansas couple has 18th child in 21 years →
Clown Car Researchers seek to study mother for tips on more efficient seating patterns.
Nicole Kidman to quit acting →
Quit? I didn’t know she knew how.
New York considers 'Fat Tax' on unhealthy foods →
Expects budget deficit to be erased with follow-on ‘Stupidity Tax’.
Colorado doctor finds foot in newborn's brain →
Creationists hail the discovery as proof of existence of the human sole.
Bakery fined for arm in mixer →
Injured worker had to be whisked away to hospital immediately.
Woman asked to smell husband's genitalia to... →
He denied the accusation, says she was just being crotchety.
Boy Arrested in Sandwich Attack →
I couldn’t bring myself to pun this one again, we’ve done sandwiches twice in the past couple of weeks. YES, it’s true, this is the THIRD separate sandwich attack in Florida in the past month. This is why that state gets its own tag on Fark.com, people.
Man with three testicles offers spare to man with... →
He’s prepared to make a huge sackrifice.
Supermarket refuses inscription of 'Adolf Hitler'... →
Parents Heath, Deb, sisters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler vow to annex bakery, say it will be their last territorial claim in New Jersey.
[Bonus: Those are the actual names of their children from the article.]
U.S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico →
He escaped briefly and ransom distance, but didn’t get far before recaptured. [Link courtesy of LifeofBK]
It's now legal to spit in Sarasota, Florida →
Decades of enforced swallowing come to an end, sex trade workers applaud the ruling.
Whinnies help horses communicate, picture herd →
Sarah Jessica Parker calling out order of a round of Cosmopolitans equally effective, study shows.
President Bush attacked with shoes →
Biohazard teams rushed to the scene amid reports that the shoes were laced.
46% of women would rather go without sex than... →
In an unrelated study, almost half of women on the internet are beasts that no one will have sex with.
Delivery man fights off gunman with pizza →
Thief was extra cheesed off at the retaliatory strike, claims robbery took more than 30 minutes.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-12-14) →
The Rocket Summer (57)
Paramore (32)
Mr. Bungle (21)
The Proclaimers (15)
Tears for Fears (14)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Teacher threatens to call police over use of... →
Apparently she GNU not what she was talking about.
19-yr old singer stabs 16-yr old guitarist for... →
Failing to kill the boy, she then tried strangling him with a length of chord. Fret not, he survived.
Man arrested for masturbating during real estate... →
No word on whether he put down a deposit on the property.
U.S. Customs finds monkey carcasses in man's... →
He was permitted to enter the country, but not before he was gibbon a stern warning by officials.
Obama picks Nobel physicist to lead Energy team →
Choice is a natural, given the president-elect’s promises to effect Δx/Δy in Washington.
Thieves steal pie and ice cream from church →
With all the doors and windows locked tightly, police are still unsure of their a la mode of entry.
Man arrested with a case of crabs at the Mexican... →
pterodactyls:
johnbrissenden:
tristanjay7:
up-schist-creek:
I’m told that he was driving with a suspended lice sense.
I bet that guy feels lousey.
Hold on - he’s been arrested, but not convicted. Let’s not be rash about this.
You know he’s just itching to escape the pubic scrutiny.
He’s a social butterfly, you know the type - here today, gonorrhoea tomorrow.
Man arrested with a case of crabs at the Mexican... →
I’m told that he was driving with a suspended lice sense.
Study finds hairspray linked to genital birth... →
Cats, Guys and Dolls linked to low birth weights.
oh hai im baby jesus hope you enjoy my blog →
11:51 Man, this is awkward. There’s this kid who’s been playing his drum for me for, like, ever. Which is great and everything, and the ox and lamb seem to be enjoying themselves—but has no one in this town heard of a melody? Maybe if I smile at him he’ll stop.
12:08 p.m. Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum. Oh great, now that’s going to be in my head all day.
Man bleeds to death from picking his nose →
tristanjay7:
up-schist-creek:
His last words were, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit coagulants.”
Though the man had been working on an assembly line since Septumber, health officials do not believe that the conditions in the olfactory contributed to his medical problems.
DON’T NASAL ME, BRO!!!
Man bleeds to death from picking his nose →
His last words were, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit coagulants.”
