Ft Lauderdale mayoral candidate running on 'Sit On... →
Rejected campaign slogans reportedly included, “For a good time, vote for me,” and “I want you inside me.”
Game Consoles stored in GameStop restroom →
XBoxes and PS3s covered in bathroom germs? No Wii! Ya Rly!
Jesus seen in coffee cup stains →
Sorta looks more like a pirate, to me. Yarr, surrender your java!
I got my duck sicked last night.– annonymous modern communication (via seanmobrien) Sometimes the iPhone autocorrect is really ducking stupid.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-9-28) →
Anberlin Plain White T’s Mika Disturbed Dope Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Why Men Are Happier Beings
franksino: deadshot: srsly: Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add...
Man claims penis was amputated without consent →
Attitude change was immediate, says wife, as he used to feel cocky all the time.
Talking toilet orders men to sit down →
Attachment to remove his testicles is still patent pending.
Sunbathing topless not recommended for fatty and... →
But Russian hotties should continue to bare all, says Pravda.
Argentine Tourist bound for Sydney, Australia ends... →
Confusion explains why Nazis could hide so well there.
Avoid Mating Moose →
Well, yeah. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
James Bond, the opposite of fine wine, gets... →
shutupinternet: By eliminating every single thing that makes Bond, Bond, including the classic “Bond, James Bond” line, the 21st century Bond promises to be worse than previous Bonds before it. Are you cracked? These have been the best Bond flicks in recent memory. Have we forgotten Timothy Dalton so quickly?
What was the #1 Song on the day you were born? →
seanmobrien: canyoudomeafavor: ineedtoo: scout: missbrightside: officed: clockwatching: commacommachameleon: borntobemad: (via butterflyeffect) Abracadabra - Steve Miller Band It could be worse. Eye of the Tiger - Survivor Must have something to do with my overall badassness. Who’s That Girl - Madonna Jump - Van Halen I wish I had been born in ‘83. Billie Jean was #1. I...
"How We Became the United States of France" →
From the article: This is the state of our great republic: We’ve nationalized the financial system, taking control from Wall Street bankers we no longer trust. We’re about to quasi-nationalize the Detroit auto companies via massive loans because they’re a source of American pride, and too many jobs — and votes — are at stake. Our Social Security system is going broke as we...
Man stabbed aboard Greyhound bus in northern... →
No, this is not the same one from two months ago. WTF is going on with Greyhound buses and trips across Canada? Just watch the trees and moose, dammit, stop getting all stabby.
Children who use cell phones are 5 times more... →
In related news, fetuses that come pre-loaded with cell phone minutes are only 3 times more likely to get it.
Sweet smells may lead to sweet dreams →
This may finally show us why pulling the covers over our wive’s heads at night may lead to less than pleasant dreams.
Glitch in cooling delays full operation of the... →
End of the world as we know it delayed until 2009.
Bag of sex toys stolen during home burglary →
They say the investigators are not getting a good vibe from this case.
Student told that her Rosary is a Gang Symbol →
Mess with the Vatican crew, and they’ll Pope a cap in yo azz.
Pentagon researcher reveals World of Warcraft... →
No word on how many DKP the White House is worth.
Fatwa on Mickey Mouse, 'Soldier of Satan' →
His chief lieutenant, BeelzeGoofy, was also targeted.
You're not gonna want to miss this
shutupinternet: I spent an hour last night running around, breaking mine in, making sure it was primed and ready to go on Thursday. It will be. PICS OR WE CAN’T PROPERLY LAUGH AT THIS DISTURBING IMAGERY, thank you in advance…
Wikipedia: List of Banned Video Games →
tristanjay7: Not surprisingly, Australia has the most bannings. “No games have been banned in Canada.” Sweet.
Lewd vandal leaves buttock and genital imprints on... →
In other news, local supplies of Pressed Ham and Gorilla Salad are abundant.
Researchers find racism translates to virtual... →
You mean that racists don’t roleplay as non-racists? I never would have guessed.
Blogger claims Spore is Evolutionist propaganda →
Which is more likely - that this guy actually believes this, or that he’s trying to make this viral to cash in on Google Ad traffic courtesy of inflammatory rhetoric? Of course, me posting this doesn’t help. Oh, the irony!
Wisconsin man has eaten 23,000 Big Macs since 1972 →
Just the thought of this makes me Grimace.
Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage attack →
He was arrested after police found his wallet at the scene, and hiding in a nearby field; clad only in boxer shorts. The Aristocrats!
UK to consider 'lawn ban' →
Seniors everywhere tell legislators to ‘Get Off My Lawn.”
Lose Weight by Eating While Naked →
I’m no longer welcome at Denny’s, btw.
shutupinternet: Am I the only one who’s scared of the Large Hadron Collider experiment going on tomorrow where they’re going to try to recreate the Big Bang? I’m not planning my last hours around it but the idea of what they’re doing spooks me a bit. They had time to make a song about it, so I’m not too worried. Besides, particle collisions happen all the time, right?