</relationship>
dear tumblr,
i’m single again :(
-lspot
Sucks man, my condolences.
Hey, if it’s any consolation, so am I! I separate informally from my wife of 13 years tomorrow and move into a shared townhouse. Ain’t life grand?
July 2009
June 2009
Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 Years
(via notthatkindagay)
If I were the shameless type, this is where I would rehash something like, “It’s an appropriate sentence given how he Madoff with everyone’s money.”
Lucky for you, I’m not like that AT ALL.
NYC landlords not willing to rent to Ruth Madoff →
nypost.com
She’s not likely to find assistance from the local homeless shetler either, as her husband is responsible for most of the clientele.
US tourist in Germany follows outdated GPS instruction into oncoming traffic →
thelocal.de
Disaster was averted when the GPS instructed him to turn left, directly into an adjacent lake. He was rescued by two Dunder Mifflin employees who just happened to already be in the water.
Man arrested for raping prostitutes →
cbsatlanta.com
He is being held without bail pending a decision on whether he’ll be charged with petty theft or braking and entering.
Armed men steal half-eaten sandwich →
thesunnews.com
Victim offered no resistance, as he had no intentions of playing the gyro.
State Park manager fired for sexual harassment of mermaid →
tcpalm.com
Claims that it shouldn’t be a crime to try to get some tail, it will be a total fluke if he is convicted.
Morning fire at swinger's club forces some to flee naked →
cbc.ca
Fire investigators say the blaze was fueled by a large quantity of morning wood.
Gang of geriatric kidnappers arrested →
thelocal.de
You haven’t seen everything until you’ve senior grandmother in an orange jumpsuit.
FDA classifies Cheerios as a drug →
washingtontimes.com
FDA also issues warning that some street Cheerios have been cut with All Bran and should be considered dangerous.
Former glamour model faces jail for serial bigamy →
timesonline.co.uk
Captain Crunch and Count Chocula among the ranks of jilted husbands that are expected to testify.
Traveler Detained For Carrying "Too Much" Cash Sues TSA →
consumerist.com
TSA reportedly in no danger of being sued for carrying too many morons on payroll.
Two thirds of teens think reality TV is more important than God →
dailymail.co.uk
The joke is on them, once they realize that neither is important!
(For the religious minded that read this - it’s a joke, get over it! How you get your fix of spirituality is different than mine, and that’s A-OK. Humour is universal, though)
Pilot buries helicopter crash survivor in sand →
cnn.com
Just when you think Jeff Probst has run out of locations to shoot, he comes up with another gem.
Man wearing women's bathing suit arrested in Ohio →
whiotv.com
Charged with failing to properly bikini wax before leaving the house, the case appears to be cut-and-dried and his right to a speedo trial will be upheld.
Chewing gum bandits arrested →
courant.com
Suspects were unable to Excel at their chosen craft, will have a hard time Wrigleying out of this situation.
Recent upswing in lightning deaths →
accuweather.com
Gov’t cites the report as shocking proof that the stimulus package is working, should hold off taxpayer re-volt in the short term.
